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How You Might Be Sabotaging Your Own Goals

By April 25, 2017May 14th, 20194 Comments

You have needs. I have needs. We all have needs.

Pay attention, understanding your needs and recognizing how you satisfy them could bring a big ah-ha moment. If you’re meeting your needs in a destructive way (or a way that doesn’t align with your goals) it is my goal that after reading this you’ll be able to modify you’re behavior to satisfy the need in a way that brings you closer to the life you want to live..

6 Basic Human Needs

1. Our first human need is the need for CERTAINTY. Certainty comes in many forms, comfort, security, and stability being the most common. If this need is not being met, your brain will direct you to do anything possible to get it. Like all needs, they can be met in positive or negative ways. Some ways people positively meet their need for certainty would be saving their money, being very organized, creating routines, or being in a good relationship. On the other side, people negatively meet their need for certainty by being controlling, using food for comfort, negative labeling, excessive cleaning or organizing, or even depression or sadness. When people act sad, or tired, or down they usually get sympathy or attention. They’ve become so good at this game they don’t even know they’re playing it.. Need to feel attention, love, or significance…act sad or depressed and they can get it every time with absolute CERTAINTY. Think about your life. How do you meet your needs for certainty? Is it work, cleaning, food, controlling, money, children etc etc

2. Certainty is crucial and we’ll do some crazy things to make sure we have it, but we also have a need for the opposite, UNCERTAINTY. Variety..excitement..risk etc. It keeps life fun and helps us grow. It makes you feel alive. Uncertainty is related to the sense of arousal. My wife meets her need for uncertainty in a positive way by painting walls new colors, changing curtains, and remodeling the house. When you see someone turn to gambling, drinking, cheating, or overeating often times uncertainty is one of the needs they are attempting to meet. Think about it, how do you meet your need for uncertainty? So many people that struggle with weight loss meet their need for variety with food.

3. We don’t just want to feel like we matter. We NEED to feel that way. We need to feel SIGNIFICANT. If you don’t feel like you matter to your partner, your family, or your friends, you will find a way. This could happen in a number of different ways; fighting, coming out and saying it “I’m not feeling appreciated” withholding sex, controlling behavior etc etc. If you don’t get significance at home you’ll get it somewhere else and probably avoid being home. A common place for people to go for significance is their work. The workaholic that ignores his family may be doing it because he values significance more than any other need and he wants to be where he feels valued. This means he will be at work more. It’s what feeds his biggest need. People will turn to depression or anger to feel significant as well. They might start fights, cry, or bully to feel significant. Do you feel significant at home? Do you feel like you matter to your children, your spouse, and your family? If not, where do you get your significance? Is it from food? Some people get so much attention being overweight they are fearful they might lose that if they lose the weight. It’s like the women that keep having kids because she loves the attention the baby bump gets… “can I feel it” “you look so good”….. where do you feel the most significant in your life? What do YOU always do to get significance when you need it?

4. Most people value two needs over all others and have one primary need. Usually it’s either significance or LOVE AND/OR CONNECTION. The need is for love OR connection because love, for so many of us, is almost unattainable. It takes being absolutely vulnerable and giving all of yourself without asking for anything in return. If you treat love as a transaction ie by giving love you expect love or something else in return, you haven’t reached all that love has to offer yet.

Instead of being vulnerable many people find it easier to put up their guard and meet their need in a negative way. Binge eating, gangs, drugs, alcohol these are all things people commonly turn to for connection. Where do you get your need met for love and connection? At what level does it meet your need 1-10, 10 being couldn’t be met any stronger…If it’s negative, what can you do to meet your need in a positive way?

Like I said, most people can’t get to love so they settle for connection. We all have a past and somewhere in that past usually at a very early age you made an important decision. In fact you made many decisions, you decided how to deal with conflict, how to get attention, how to deal with pain, and how to love. In our breakthrough 60 day challenge we went DEEP into exploring these decisions and facing them head on. If you really want to get a better understanding of yourself I strongly suggest jumping into our next breakthrough challenge or you can join my breakthrough academy HERE where I go more into the mindset stuff.

5. The final two human needs are “higher level” needs. If all your other needs are being met at a high level you might actually feel as if GROWTH is your primary need. There are some people however that barely need to experience any growth at all and they’re perfectly content. Why do we continue to study, read, and learn once we’re out of school? We all have a desire to become more than what we currently are. Growth is addictive. If you’re reading this post you probably value growth pretty highly. How is it that you meet your need for growth?

6. Our last need is CONTRIBUTION. If all our other needs are being met in a positive way we are going to feel a need to help others. As a human being it is natural to want to help, to be part of the solution instead of the problem. Our sense of identity is expanded and our ability to connect on a deeper level is enhanced through contribution. It helps people to be part of something bigger. How do you RISE UP and contribute most? Your relationship, teaching others, leading, charity work?

Almost everything we do is meeting one of our needs. Maybe at a high level. Maybe at a low level. When we get into trouble is when one thing satisfies 3 or more needs at a high level. Since we deal with a lot of people that have tried unsuccessfully to lose weight before, let’s take the example of binge eating as an addiction. Do you know someone who gets sad or lonely and eats? They are connecting through food “comfort food.” What about variety? Know anyone who just loves to try different restaurants, foods, deserts etc? They’re meeting their need for variety or uncertainty through food. If they get stressed and eat. They know with certainty that food will always be there. If they don’t feel significant they probably talk about their struggle with being overweight.. in turn getting sympathy – a not so healthy way to feel significant.

Now if this person is meeting the need for uncertainty, connection, and certainty at a high level with food it’s an addiction. And the only way to break the addiction is to recognize how it happened in the first place. Now you can come up with positive ways to meet the need for certainty, uncertainty, and connection.

I’ve seen so many times where someone in a bad relationship is struggling with these exact things and then they get into a good relationship and it all seems to magically work itself out. They lose 50lbs and they feel great again.. It wasn’t that their last workout program was magic, it’s that they finally have a healthy life that meets their basic needs in positive ways.

At Underground Athlete we actually used the six human needs to develop our model and culture.

CERTAINTY – We design custom training programs every 4 weeks (give or take a week) for each person. They can see what they’re doing ahead of time. They know what coach they’ll be working with and what to expect every session ie group warm-up, custom strength and conditioning, group finisher

UNCERTAINTY – We have “finishers.” You never know what to expect in last 10 minutes of every workout. They’re fun, crazy, random, and sometimes even exhausting.

SIGNIFICANCE – We like to do awards at parties and spotlight the people that are really working hard and reaching their goals. Perfect time to brag on our winner for the Recharged 28 Day Challenge. If you haven’t downloaded it yet you can do that on the right hand side of this blog. Gene won the $500 prize by dropping 5 inches on his waist, losing 23lbs, and 6% body fat in just 28 days. Boom! What a kickstart. Keep up the good work Gene. Happy for you!

Check out the progress Gene made on during the Recharged 28 day challenge!

Gene 28 day

LOVE AND CONNECTION – We rise together and we fall together. When someone at the gym goes through tough times we try to recognize that and rally behind that individual or in the case of this past weekend we got together to celebrate the engagement of 2 of our rockstar UAers. Congrats Paul and Jackie!

UA Power Couple.


GROWTH – Blogs, seminars for members, live Q&A sessions are all ways we try to not only coach, but also educate. Our coaches also keep a constant growth mindset. It’s what makes us the best in my humble opinion 🙂

CONTRIBUTION – We give back as much as we can. We want to be part of something bigger as well. We have developed a culture of contribution. Facebook check ins go to charitable causes. We do fundraiser classes for local charities. We get together for plane pulls, tour de cures, and anything else we can feel good about.

Thanks for reading…Hope you learned a little about yourself and a little about what makes Underground Athlete tick.

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Rise Up!

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